woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
