But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
