For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we're making bets on your personal life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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