so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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