I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
