I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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