I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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