Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
