I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dick very happy bro
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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