I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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