community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
