Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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