Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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