Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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