So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
