The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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