Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
