The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we made out on top of his cat.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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