i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
