On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
