I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
