we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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