new low.... made out with someone while peeing
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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