I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
