had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
