That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
