made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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