I got chris browned last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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