All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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