his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
