This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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