She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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