We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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