Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize