Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
