there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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