We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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