what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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