My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
