uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
