i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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