i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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