The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
