Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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