Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want nice things and good sex
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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