I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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