I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
