I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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