yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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