he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
