By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize