I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
