So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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