Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
