Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just threw up on my dentist
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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