Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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