You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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