On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i believe in u and ur pee
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
