So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
