I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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