If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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