I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think a kid would responsible me up
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
