So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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