It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
