he puts the penis in happiness.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
