Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
