my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
