the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
