Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk is a universal language darling
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
