OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
