her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
