Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize